Secrets
by dayana82
Summary: I was wondering why Garcia's brothers didn't show up when she was in hospital and that's what I came up with. Rated M cause I'm paranoid. MorganGarcia Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Secrets – part 1

**Pairing:** Morgan/Garcia

**Rating:** M for language and violence

**Disclaimer:** nothing's mine, it all belongs to CBS and so on

**Summary:** I wondered why Penelope's brothers didn't show up in the hospital after she was shot – and that's the explanation I came up with.

**warnings:** angst, hurt the whole programme

**AN:** Thanks to Melissa for the beta-reading!

"Hey, baby girl, what are you still doing here?" Derek asked. Everyone else had gone to see their family for Christmas but he had yet to see her leaving the building. So he figured she was still there and wanted to find out why.

"I'm going to take the time to fix my babies." she replied without looking at him.

"The holidays?" he raised both his eyebrows. "Come on, sweetness, we're all off to see our families. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, lollipop." she shrugged. "I just… I'm not into all that family stuff, you know. I don't have plans for Christmas."

Derek frowned. He didn't like the idea of Penelope spending the Christmas holidays alone in her office. "Come on" he smiled. "shut your babies down and let's go! You're spending the holidays with me, sugar muffin!"

"I… I can't." she replied, perplexed now. "You're going to see your family and…"

"Not this time." he interrupted her. "They're coming to see me. My apartment, so I can invite whomever I want to. You know that I won't accept no as an answer."

Penelope gave him a soft smile and nodded. It couldn't hurt, could it? She did as he'd told her and a few minutes later they were heading for his car. Esther unfortunately refused to drive properly during this cold time of the year so Penelope had decided to leave her in the garage and taken a cab this morning instead.

"So… uh… how long since you've seen your brothers?" Derek asked to end the silence that had filled his car since they'd left the building. She'd once told him that she had four brothers and he'd wondered why none of them had shown up when she'd been in hospital.

"Since shortly after the death of our parents." she shrugged. "I just couldn't handle it."

The sadness in her voice appalled him. "Handle what?" he wanted to know.

Penelope almost jumped at his question. She should really start thinking before she said something. "Nothing." she finally murmured and stared out of the side window.

Derek frowned and glanced over at her. She'd never refused to talk to him before, not like that. She'd always revealed her feelings to him, not even thinking about hiding anything from him. Something was wrong about her and her brothers, he could feel it. "So you and your brothers had a fight or something?" he carefully pressed her.

Penelope sighed and let her head drop for a moment. "You wouldn't understand, okay." she finally answered quietly. "Please, forget about it."

"I can't." Derek replied and glanced at her. "What's wrong, angel?"

"God, how I hate profilers." Penelope murmured.

Derek remained silent for a good five minutes waiting for her to say anything. But she didn't. "Is it really so bad that you can't make up with them?" He'd had millions of fights with his sisters but they'd always managed to reconcile.

"Trust me, it is." she simply replied.

"I'm just saying" he shrugged. "you shouldn't spend Christmas alone. You know, it's a family thing and if you have family you should…"

"Derek, please, stop!" she held up both her hands. "You don't understand! I don't want to see my brothers. Not on Christmas or any other time."

He sighed and studied her face. She was angry and he wished she would just tell him why. "I understand that you're obviously really upset and you don't think you can make up with…"

"Stop it!" she suddenly shouted at him. "Don't talk like you know how I feel. You don't know anything about me and my brother. So don't judge me!"

"I'm not judging you, sweetheart." Derek assured her. So this was just about one of her brothers. Derek wondered what he could have done to make her that angry. One thing Penelope had never been was unforgiving. "I'm just saying you will feel sorry if you don't go and make it up with your brother."

"I'll never feel sorry." she snarled still staring out of the side window.

Okay, there was obviously more to that than he'd first thought. Penelope wasn't only mad at her brother she seemed beside herself with anger. "What made you so angry with him that you don't even want to see him on Christmas?" he softly asked.

"When's your family going to arrive?" she changed the topic.

"Tomorrow by noon." he replied. "We have the whole day for us and I think I have some of your favorite movies at home."

She simply smiled knowing that he wasn't going to bring her to her own place and leave her alone. She wished she could tell him the truth, tell him why she hated her brother and the rest of her goddamn family as much as she did. But she couldn't. She couldn't let him find out.

When they entered Derek's apartment Penelope's phone was ringing. She fished it out of her purse, looked at the caller-ID and frowned.

Derek studied her face still staring at the ringing phone in her hands. "Don't you want to pick up?" he asked.

"No." she replied and wanted to put the still ringing phone away.

"Who is it?" Derek wanted to know and grabbed the phone from her. Looking at the ID he frowned himself. It was her own number. Someone tried to call her from her apartment.

"Who was this, a new boyfriend?" he asked playfully.

"Not really." she shrugged.

"Don't evade my questions again!" something was definitely wrong. Penelope had told him she was spending Christmas alone – but someone was in her apartment, someone she tried to avoid, certainly for a good reason. "Who is this guy and what's wrong with him?"

She looked down but didn't answer.

"He's in your apartment." he started for her.

"Just for a couple of days." Penelope shrugged. "Over Christmas."

The slight change in her voice appalled him and… was she shaking? Derek stepped closer and took her hands in his: "Talk to me, Penelope! What is wrong?"

"Nothing." she dodged. "I'm just tired, that's all."

She tried to pass him heading towards the couch, but Derek grabbed her arm, turned her around and laid both his hands on her shoulders. "Penelope, please…"

She couldn't stop the gasp of pain and winced a little.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked concerned. She'd probably spent too much time in front of her computers again. He knew what this did to her back. Gently he started to knead her shoulders as he often did to ease the tension.

"Don't!" Penelope gasped and squirmed to escape his touch, her face twisted with pain.

In shock he let go of her shoulders. Her reaction had clearly shown him that his touch had hurt her – and it was more than the normal tension. "Show me your shoulder!" he commanded.

"It's nothing." Penelope quickly assured him. "Nothing to worry about. I just stumbled against a locker, that's all."

"Let me see it!" without waiting for any response Derek brushed away her shirt to take a look at her shoulder. He gasped when he saw the dark blue and red bruise. It didn't take him much to put the pieces together. "Did he do this?" he simply asked.

"It's not that bad." she replied and avoided his eyes. She turned around and started to rummage around her purse. She took out a small tube with shaking hands, opened it and swallowed a pill.

"What's that?" he wanted to know, grabbed the tube from her before she could react and studied the label. Tranquilizers. "They are quite strong." he murmured. "How long have you been taking these?"

"For a few years." she answered quietly and turned around to escape that situation.

"Talk to me!" Derek grabbed her hand and forced her to look at him again. He was beside himself with anger when he saw the horrified look in her eyes. Not only had this sleaze dared to do this to her. He'd managed to frighten Penelope so much that she was now scared of him! "What?" he stared into her fear-filled eyes. "Are you scared of me?"

"No." she whispered.

"Do you think I'm going to hit you, too?"

"No." he could tell from the look on her face that she wasn't sure about that anymore. "Please, let go of me!"

Derek stared into her eyes for a moment. He desperately wanted to punch something, a punching bag, a wall – or better this guy's face. "You have to leave him!"

"_You're not going to leave me, never!" he yelled at her. She'd never seen him so angry before. She had known it was a mistake but Antonio needed help and they weren't able to help him. But maybe turning him in was not the best way to get him help. Her heart almost stopped beating when he stepped closer, his face showing nothing but fury. She knew what was going to happen – and she knew defending herself would only make it worse. She'd accepted her fate a long time ago, after she'd realized that no one was going to help her. She felt his fist in her stomach, stumbled and fell to the cold, hard floor of her apartment._

She'd have flashbacks before but only a few that were so intense that she could actually feel all that again. She winced and held her stomach. She stumbled and sank to her knees.

Derek noticed the absentmindedness in her eyes. She seemed to be a thousand miles away – and from her expression Derek could tell that it was not a good place where she was. He stepped closer and gently grabbed her upper arms trying to pull her to her feet. "Penelope, do you hear me?"

"_You can end this – and you know how!" Antonio said with a malicious grin._

_Penelope tried to find a way out of that situation. Maybe she could argue with him, or just fight him. He stepped closer and grabbed her arms, his fingers painfully digging into __the flesh. Fighting him seemed to be the only choice she had._

"Don't" she shouted and tried to punch him. "don't touch me!"

In shock Derek let go of her. "What's wrong?"

"_What's wrong?" he smirked. "You've never complaint about it before." He grabbed her hair and pulled her head to his face so she could feel his breath as he hissed. "You do it voluntarily or I'll make you do it. You know which one's more pleasant. Your choice!"_

_He slammed her against the wall and she slid to the ground. Penelope squatted in the corner hoping that she could escape him. But she knew she couldn't. He came closer and knelt down in front of her._

"Please, Antonio, don't." Penelope whimpered when Derek stepped closer. She'd withdrawn into a corner and buried her face with her hands. "Don't make me do this!"

Derek knelt down in front of her and tried to put a hand on her shoulder. But she punched him blindly with both fists, screaming furiously and he backed off in shock. "Baby girl, it's me." he said in the most comforting tone he could bring off at the moment. "It's Morgan!"

Penelope opened her eyes and looked at him. "Derek?" she asked puzzled. Then she seemed to realize what had happened. "Oh, God, I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to punch you. It's just, I…" she stopped and looked down.

"You were reliving it." Derek finished her sentence.

She simply nodded, ashamed of her breakdown. She never wanted him to find out, never wanted him to know about this. And yet she was relieved that he did.

Derek pulled her to her feet and led her to the couch, sat down next to her and gently put an arm around her shoulder. She wasn't crying, just slightly shaking. After a while he got up, took two glasses from the cabinet and filled them with Scotch. He felt they both needed that right now. Derek handed Penelope the glass and watched her sip at it.

"You have to leave him." he stated once more as he sat down next to her and emptied his own glass with one go.

"Derek, it's not that simple. I..." Penelope tried to object.

"Yes it is." he cut her off. "It is that simply. You'll never let him in to your apartment again! You change the lock and then you report this to the police."

"I can't." she whispered.

"You have to." Derek insisted. "Penelope, I've seen that before and so have you. This is never going to stop and you know that."

Her voice was barely audible when she answered. "Sometimes he's just… so angry."

"And he takes this anger out on you." Derek snarled. God, how he wanted to show this bastard what it felt like to be beaten up.

Penelope simply shrugged.

"Don't you dare to condone what he did to you!" Derek almost shouted at her.

"Derek, you don't understand." she whispered.

"That's right." he nodded. "How can you want to go back to him?"

She didn't answer.

"Come on, sweetness." Derek cupped her chin with his hand and forced her to look at him. "Don't shut me off again. I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

She studied his face and tears sprung to her eyes. He really wanted to help her, he wanted to stop that, stop him. No one had ever wanted that before, no one had ever paid attention.

"Did I say something wrong?" Derek asked concerned when he saw the tears running down her cheeks.

"No" Penelope sobbed. "it's just… no one ever cared about it. They all knew what he did to me and no one ever stopped him."

Derek frowned and asked: "Who knew about this?"

"The rest of my family." she whispered.

_The rest of her…_ The realization hit him like a bolt from the blue. There was a reason why she didn't want to see her brothers, not even on Christmas. This guy in her apartment… "Antonio is your brother, right?" he asked.

She nodded.

Derek took a deep breath and ran his hand over his head. He couldn't imagine doing something like that to any woman, but his own sister?! "When did this start?" he wanted to know.

"I don't know." she replied. "He's been willing to use violence his whole life long. At school I thought it was kind of cool because only few people dared to bother me. But after our parents died he changed. He became more and more angry until one day we had a really bad fight and he hit me. I left shortly after that. I never told them my new address, I'm not sure how he found me."

"And none of your other brothers did anything to stop him?" he wasn't able to keep the horror and the lack of understanding about that fact from his voice.

"I guess they didn't care." Penelope replied in a whisper.

"Did he…" Derek breathed deeply. He didn't want to know the answer cause it would only make him more angry. But he needed to ask that question. "Did he rape you?"

Penelope took in a deep, shaky breath and shook her head. "But sometimes he touched me and… forced me to touch him and to…"

The glass in his hands burst into a million pieces that scattered across the floor of his living room and Penelope startled. She stared at his bleeding hand in shock.

Derek frowned staring at the shards and his hands. "I'm sorry." he murmured and got up. He went to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He washed the blood off his hands and examined the little cuts. Nothing severe. He breathed deeply, balanced his arms on the basin and looked into the mirror. He was angry. Angry with this Antonio for doing this to his baby girl, angry with her goddamn brothers for not helping her, angry with her for not telling him. But most of all he was angry with himself for never recognizing which hell she'd gone through – and was still trapped in. How could he have missed that? He thought he knew her but he hadn't paid enough attention to see what she was going through. If he'd realized sooner then maybe… He smashed the mirror with his fist and watched the shards chinking falling into the basin.

"Derek?" he heard a soft voice coming through the door. "Are you okay?"

How could she be worried about him right now? How could she be so selfless? It made him even more upset with himself. He opened the door and immediately caught her in his arms. "He'll never hurt you again, doll face." he promised. "I'll make sure of that."

She put her arms around his waist, leant her head against his chest and closed her eyes. "Thank you." she whispered.

He could still hear the fear in her voice and snarled through gritted teeth: "I swear if he ever dares to touch you again, I'll kill him."

"Derek, don't talk like that!" she gasped in shock.

"I mean it." he insisted. "He touches you again, I'll kill him."


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Secrets – part 2

**Pairing:** Morgan/Garcia

**Rating:** M for language and violence

**Disclaimer:** nothing's mine, it all belongs to CBS and so on

**Summary:** I wondered why Penelope's brothers didn't show up in the hospital after she was shot – and that's the explanation I came up with.

**warnings:** …and a slightly more adult situation

**AN: **Thanks to Melissa for the beta-reading!

"It's really nice to finally meet you." Fran smiled at Penelope. "Derek has told us so much about you."

"Really?" Penelope smirked. "And you were still looking forward to meet me?"

Derek chuckled. "Don't belittle your supreme genius, buttercup! There are only good things to tell about you."

"Just because you're too reputable to talk about the bad things." she shot back and they both laughed heartily.

Fran smiled at that scene. She'd never seen her son act like that with a woman. Playful, teasing and yet caring and sweet.

Penelope got up to clear the table. She put her half emptied glass of wine next to the basin to drink while she was doing the dishes.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing there, sweetness?" Derek asked and jumped out of his chair to stop her. "I'll do that later."

"You already honored us with that delicious meal, hot stuff." she smiled. "Let me at least do the dishes in return."

"No way, goddess." he smiled. "You're my guest. I won't let you work here."

"That's not work." she smiled back. "I'd love to do it."

"Still I won't allow you to." he stated and tried to grab the towel from her.

She playfully slapped him with it and accidentally hit the glass she'd placed on the counter. It swayed, fell and the wine was spilled over the cabinet. "I'm sorry." she gasped and stared at the spilled wine.

"It's okay." Derek assured and grabbed a napkin to clean the table. "Never mind."

"_Mind what you're doing!" he yelled at her. "You'd better clean that before I forget that I'm a gentleman!" he pointed at the coffee she'd spilled over the living room floor._

"I'm so sorry." Penelope whispered. "I'll clean that."

Fran, Des and Sarah gave her puzzled looks.

Derek could tell from the expression on her face that she was reliving another memory. "Pen? Penelope, look at me!"

"_What shall I do with a clumsy idiot like you?" Antonio asked and knelt down next to her. "You know that I can't condone that. You've been a bad girl and I have to punish you."_

"Please, don't." she whispered and stepped back until the wall stopped her. "I didn't do that on purpose. Please, don't hit me again!"

Now Fran and Derek's sisters stared at her in shock. Had Penelope just begged Derek not to hit her again? They knew that Derek could be temperamental. But he would never hit a woman. Fran had brought him up to respect other people and she was sure he did. His job couldn't have changed him that much, right?

"Baby girl" Derek gently grabbed her upper arms. "it's me, Derek. He's not here, okay. You are safe."

"_Look what you force me to do." Antonio sighed and shook his head. "Do you think I enjoy this? Do you think I want to do this?" she felt the fist hitting her again. "This is only your fault. If you did as you're told, I wouldn't have to punish you."_

"I try" she whimpered and slid down to the floor. "I'll do everything you tell me to, everything, I promise."

"Penelope" Derek tried to catch her eyes with his. "this is not real. I know that you can hear me. I want you to come back to me, now!"

Her eyes wandered around trying to catch something until they finally met his. "Derek." she stared at him, then at his mother and his sisters. She got up and stumbled: "Oh, my… I'm sorry, I…"

"Don't be!" he softly commanded and caught her in his arms. But this guy was going to be very sorry as soon as Derek got hold of him.

Penelope closed her eyes and tried to calm down.

"They're getting worse." it was a statement, not a question. Since her first breakdown Penelope had relived the abuses at least ten times. Even the strong tranquilizers didn't seem to help anymore.

She nodded and breathed deeply. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you." Derek objected. "But there's definitely something wrong with him."

"So… your boyfriend hit you?" Fran asked as they were sitting in the living room.

Penelope turned away from the movie they were watching and gave her a puzzled look.

"I'm sorry" Fran looked down and blushed slightly. "that's… none of my business."

"No, it's okay." Penelope smiled. "He's… not my boyfriend. Actually, he's my brother."

The three women stared at her, then at Derek and back at her.

Penelope looked at her hands and quietly added: "Not everyone is blessed with a brother like Derek."

Her statement was followed by a long, chastened silence which was eventually ended by the ringing of Derek's door bell. Penelope looked up and asked: "Do you expect somebody?"

"No" he shook his head and stood up. "I hope it's not Hotch with another case." He rolled his eyes theatrically as he opened.

Penelope smirked, but when she saw the visitor her blood ran cold.

"Can I help you?" Derek frowned and eyed the man in front of him suspiciously. He was tall, brawny and blond with brown eyes.

"I hope so." the man smiled. "My name is Antonio Gar…"

He didn't blink, he didn't even think about what he was doing. When he heard the name and realized whom he had in front of him, Derek's rage ran free. Derek's fist cut him off as it met his jaw. Antonio fell to the floor, a puzzled and scared look on his face.

The four women in his living room jumped up and stared at him in shock. Fran had never seen her son act like that. "Derek" she yelled at him. "what are you doing?"

He didn't listen, he didn't even hear her. He stepped into the corridor, seized Antonio by his collar, slammed his back against the wall and punched him in the stomach. "How does that feel, huh?" he asked through gritted teeth and hit him once more.

"This is your brother." Sarah's words were rather a statement than a question. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to stop Derek from beating the shit out of that guy.

Penelope just nodded.

"Des, call the police!" Fran commanded and pointed at the phone.

Desiree nodded and dialed the number with shaking hands. She'd never seen her brother so beside himself with anger.

"Derek, let go of him!" Fran shouted at her son. But still he didn't seem to hear her.

"Seems that suddenly you're not that strong, anymore. It's easier to hit a woman, right?" This time Derek punched Antonio's jaw so hard that his head flung to the side. "She's your sister, you goddamn bastard!" Derek yelled at him. "You're supposed to protect her." he raised his fist once more.

"No" Penelope screamed. "Derek, please don't!"

Antonio grinned triumphing. "See, she protects me." he panted. "She loves me."

How could she protect him? How could she still stand by her brother after all he'd done to her? How could she feel anything but anger for this sleaze?

"She'll come back to me." Antonio's grin widened. "And there's nothing you can do to stop her from doing so."

Derek raised his fist once more, ready to beat that grin out of Antonio's face. "Like hell she will, you son of a…"

"Derek, stop!" Penelope commanded and grabbed his wrist.

Puzzled and furious he turned his head and looked into her brown eyes. He could see her worry and her concern and suddenly he realized that these feelings didn't apply to her brother but to him. Derek breathed deeply and let go of Antonio who was panting and coughing. Blood dropped to the floor of the corridor.

"Let's go home!" Antonio commanded and reached out for his sister.

"No" Penelope replied and took a step back. "I'm not going anywhere with you. It's over, Antonio. I'm going to turn you in – and this time I won't take it back. It's over."

Two officers in uniforms stepped out of the elevator and approached the scene, their hands on their guns, ready to pull them and shoot. "What's going on here?"

"Please arrest this man." Penelope said and pointed at her brother.

The officers frowned at the thought that this woman asked them to arrest the only one who'd obviously been hurt.

Derek grabbed his badge from his pocket and held it out to the officers. "Derek Morgan, I'm with the FBI."

The officers simply nodded, handcuffed the protesting and yelling Antonio and led him off. If it's the FBI, you don't ask too many questions.

Derek took another deep breath and ran a hand over his head. Then he turned to the four women and was upset with himself when he saw the terrified expressions on their faces. He knew better than to loose control like that. "I'm sorry." he murmured, quickly passed them and headed for his bathroom.

Fran followed him and managed to step in before Derek was able to lock the door behind him. She closed the door and studied him at least five minutes. Then she softly said: "I've never seen you that upset before."

"He hit her." he snarled. "He fucking hit her, his own sister."

"What happened to the mirror?" Fran asked and pointed at the fragments on the wall.

"I smashed it." he replied quietly.

"It's not because he hit her." she stated. "It's because it's her, right? You love her."

He didn't answer. It wasn't necessary. His mother knew him way too well.

A small smile passed over her face. "Did you tell her?" Fran wanted to know.

Derek nodded.

"Maybe you should tell her again." she shrugged. "It seems she didn't really get it." she gave him an encouraging smile and left the bathroom.

Derek stood there a good ten or twelve minutes thinking about what his mother had just said. Then he finally left the bathroom, stepped back into his living room and met the concerned brown eyes of the beautiful blonde on his couch.

"You're okay?" she asked.

He nodded and tried to give her the most honest smile he could manage. Then he slowly walked over to his couch and sat down next to her.

"Your mother and your sisters have left." she explained. "They said they'll come back tomorrow. Is… everything okay?"

"Yeah." he shrugged. "At least I guess so. I'm sorry that I… lost control like that."

"You scared me." she stated in barely more than a whisper.

_Damn!_ He breathed deeply and ran a hand over his face. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to…"

"That was not what I meant." she softly interrupted him. "I was afraid you… might kill him."

"I was close to that I guess." he sighed.

"Why?" she asked and finally locked eyes with him. "You see guys like him everyday and you never… act like that. I've never seen you so angry."

Derek smiled and stroked her cheek with one finger. "I'd kill everyone who dares to hurt my baby girl."

She couldn't help but smirk and ask: "So that means if anyone bothers me I can tell you and you'll defend me?"

"Most definitely." he smiled. He'd been afraid that she would be angry or even scared of him. But she was the usual, cheerful Penelope and that fact only made him fall more for her. One playful word, one smirk on her beautiful face made him feel so much better. He studied her and could still see the tension in her body she tried to cover with her bantering. He reached out once more to put a strand behind her ear and asked: "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I guess you can't make me forget, right?" she shrugged.

Yes he could, of course, he could. But he wasn't sure if she really wanted him to – or would allow him to. He took a deep breath. _Now or never!_ Slowly he leant forward and captured her lips with his. His hand slid behind her head pulling her closer and his heart skipped a beat when she kissed him back.

She opened her mouth with a soft moan gladly granting him entrance. God, he smelled so good and he tasted even better. Penelope sighed and cherished the feeling of Derek Morgan kissing her like she'd never been kissed before. She willingly leant back on the couch and pulled him closer. This was so good! Never had anything felt that good. Penelope's heart was pounding like mad and she was about to forget her own name when she suddenly realized that this was not one of her dreams. It was real. Derek Morgan was practically on top of her kissing her passionately, the things his tongue was doing were making her whole body prickle with pure pleasure. She pushed him away and panted: "Derek, what… are you doing?"

He smirked as he looked down at her and breathed: "What does it feel like?"

"Why" she stumbled. "you don't need to… I mean…"

"I want you." he smiled and shifted a little. "I thought that was obvious."

She swallowed hard. It was indeed obvious and he was incredibly… _No-go, Penelope, big bad no-go. Focus your mind! You need to stop him from doing… these incredible things that feel so goddamn good, his hands exploring your body finding every sensitive spot, reaching further down and… Oh, God! No, you need to stop him, now! You have to prevent both of you from the embarrassment of the next morning. He'll regret that tomorrow, the moment he wakes up next to you. _"Don't!" she panted.

Derek frowned and looked down at her. "What's wrong?"

"You don't need to do this." she replied and desperately tried to avoid his eyes. "I mean, I know that you want to… make me feel better but…"

Derek silenced her by putting his hand over her mouth. "Two things, baby cakes. First I don't want to do this to make you feel better – although I hope this will be a positive side effect. And second I love you, Penelope, and I don't mean that as a friend. I LOVE you."

She stared at him for a moment almost in shock, his words echoing in her head. This was a dream, it must be a dream.

"So" he smirked and continued what he'd been about to do when she'd stopped him. "do you really want me to stop that?"

She couldn't answer. Her head told her to say yes but the things his fingers did to her… "Oh, God." she whispered.

Derek smiled. He knew he almost had her – and he wanted her, God, how he wanted her. "You know, I always wondered how many sensitive spots you have" he smiled and kissed a path down the front of her body, her clothes hindering him way too much. "and I want to discover all of them." and regarding her reactions he was just heading for one of them. He felt her melting under his touch. "So, goddess, do you really want me to stop?"

"No, please, don't stop!" she whispered and bit her lower lip. How could she ever ask him to stop that?! And Derek knew too well that she couldn't. He knew exactly what to do to make her melt.

But suddenly he stopped and looked up at her. Maybe this really wasn't a good idea right now. This always helped him but maybe it wasn't the right way to help her. Was he just trying to take advantage of her?

Penelope looked at him and frowned: "What's wrong?"

"Maybe we'd better stop." he murmured.

"What?" she shrieked.

"Beautiful, if you…" he gave her a concerned look. "This is probably not the right time to do this. I don't want to push you and…"

"Derek" she softly interrupted him. "please stop profiling me. You're not pushing me and I don't do this because I want to forget – I've wanted to do this for a very long time already. I love you, Derek."

He smiled a little triumphing. Now he definitely had her. "I love you, goddess!" Then he smirked and commanded: "Say it, baby girl! I want to hear these words from your lips."

Penelope looked into his eyes and smiled widely finally saying the words that made his heart leap with joy: "I want you, Derek, I want you now!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Secrets – part 3

**Pairing:** Morgan/Garcia

**Rating:** M

**Disclaimer:** nothing's mine, it all belongs to CBS and so on

**Summary:** I wondered why Penelope's brothers didn't show up in the hospital after she was shot – and that's the explanation I came up with.

**warnings:** Well, I thought since I rated it M anyway… It's not really smut, but I think I'm slowly getting there.

**AN:** Thanks to Melissa for the beta-reading!

"Come on, let's go!" Derek commanded chucked her jacket to a puzzled Penelope on his couch.

"Where are we going?" she wanted to know as she got up and put on the zebra striped jacket.

"Sorry, honey, but I can't tell you yet." he smiled. "But I promise, you won't regret it." In fact, he was quite apprehensive about her reaction when she finally found out where he was taking her.

"Okay." she frowned. This was one of the few times she had ever seen Derek Morgan nervous. _I don't think I like where this is going._ She thought to herself. But she'd decided to wholeheartedly trust him a long time ago. So she followed him to his car and got in.

The drive was silent almost the whole time. Both of them were dwelling on their own thoughts. Penelope wondered why Derek refused to tell her where they were going. He'd never done that before and she didn't need to be a profiler to tell from his behavior that this wasn't meant to be a romantic date. When they arrived in front of the huge apartment building, Penelope frowned.

"I want you to meet someone." Derek stated when he opened the door for her.

Penelope got out and mumbled: "I hope it's none of your ex-girlfriends."

Derek gave her a puzzled look and then replied: "No, they are… some of my friends."

"Your friends?" she raised both her eyebrows.

"You sound surprised." Derek frowned. "Did you think I don't have any friends outside the BAU?"

"No" she stumbled. "I… I'm just… Why do you want me to meet them?"

A small smile crossed his face: "They are special friends."

His words made her feel a little flattered. He really wanted her to be a part of his life.

"Remember when JJ and Reid asked us out for dinner one Tuesday and I refused saying I had other plans?" Derek asked as he gently led her towards the front door. "I want to show you what these plans were."

"You were here?" Penelope frowned even more. If she hadn't met his mother yet she would have sworn she'd now be introduced to a very ill woman he secretly took care of.

"We meet here because Karen has the biggest apartment – even though the house looks a little rotten, her place is really nice."

"Derek, you're confusing me." she sighed and slowly walked up the stairs. Derek hadn't been exaggerating, the apartment was huge, looked newly renovated and was tastefully arranged. A group of six people was standing in the living room. A tall brunette rushed towards him and hugged Derek briefly. "Derek, it's good to see you here again." she smiled and then shook Penelope's hand: "You must be Penelope. Derek told us he was going to bring you with him."

"Did he?" Penelope asked and gave him a querying look.

Derek just shrugged.

"I'm Karen" the brunette introduced herself, "I guess we can start now." She rushed back to the group and they all sat down in a circle.

"Start what?" Penelope whispered and gave Derek another questioning look.

"Um… you know… these people are all… survivors." he stammered.

She stared at him for a moment, then just nodded and let him lead her over to the group. She shifted, feeling more and more uncomfortable as she felt everyone staring at her.

"Ladies and gentleman" Karen smiled, "I want you to welcome Penelope." she nodded in the direction of the blonde next to Derek. "She's a friend of Derek's."

Everyone gave her a nod along with a smile.

Penelope tried to smile back and answered in a low voice: "I… um… I'm not sure how this works. I mean, am I supposed to… say something?"

"You're not supposed to do anything." Karen smiled. "This is not a therapy group even though I'm a psychologist. But here I am just a survivor. We spend some time together and whoever wants to talk gets the chance to and we will listen. But no one demands anything of you."

She nodded, smiled and took a deep breath. She felt a little relieved and a little more comfortable now.

"I suggest that we first introduce each other." a tall man in his late thirties piped up.

"That's a good idea." Karen nodded at him and then looked back at Penelope. "Everyone is allowed to tell us whatever he or she wants us to know. Meredith, do you want to start?" Karen smiled at a skinny woman with short blond hair.

She nodded. "Hi, I'm Meredith and I was abused by my dad." she started and gave Penelope a small smile. "I spent almost all my life in therapy before I met Karen. The doctors kept giving me advice on how to deal with this but… well, none of them could really understand."

"My name is Peter." the tall man smiled. "My grandmother used to hit me and lock me up in the basement whenever I visited her. I'm… still afraid of the dark."

"Well, you already know my name." Karen smiled at Penelope. "My husband used to beat me up whenever he felt like it. He broke almost every bone in my body before I finally left him. It was the best decision I ever made."

"I'm Mary." a girl of about sixteen sitting next to Karen said in a very low voice. "My mother is working as a prostitute and she's addicted to cocaine. She sold me to some of her customers. I… tried to commit suicide and met Karen in the hospital. She took me in and… I'll always be grateful for that."

Karen took her hand in hers and smiled. "I'm working in the local hospital." she explained. "That's how I met almost everyone here."

"My name is Robert." a smaller man with a very pale face said. "I was abused by my grandfather. When my dad found out about that, he shot him. It turned out that… my grandfather did the same to my dad when he was a kid."

"I'm Henry." the man next to Derek said and smiled at her. He was almost thinner than Spencer but smaller. "Actually I was… well, hit by my wife."

"My name is Derek." he said and locked eyes with her. "I was abused by the leader of a youth center who took advantage of the fact that after the death of my father he was the closest to a father I could ever get. I was thirteen years old and I didn't talk about it for quite a long time – until I eventually turned him in."

She smiled at him and then took a deep breath. "My name is Penelope." she said after a few moments. "My eldest brother started hitting me when I was eighteen. Our parents were killed in a car accident and he became very angry after that." She continued and told them the whole story, how she'd gone underground and eventually started a new life. How her brother had found her and hit her again. At first she hadn't even wanted to start telling anybody in this room about what had happened to her – but after the first words had left her mouth she simply wasn't able to stop anymore. "… and then I turned him in." she concluded. "That was the best thing I ever did, I guess."

They spend the rest of the evening talking and Penelope had never felt so comfortable among other people before. She didn't need to watch her mouth, she could say whatever crossed her mind. These people understood everything, the nightmares, the flashbacks, the feeling of being dirty and guilty. She absentmindedly kept holding Derek's hand, their fingers entwined in her lap and she didn't notice the others smiling at that scene.

Finally Karen turned to Derek. "What happened to your hand?" she asked and nodded at the small cuts and the obvious bruise.

"Well, I…" he started and cleared his throat. "I beat him up."

"That doesn't explain the cuts." Karen smiled at him.

"Yeah, I… um… broke a mirror… and a glass." he replied. "I was… pretty upset."

"Some things are obvious." she kept smiling at him. "Is there maybe something you want to tell us?" she glanced at Penelope whose eyes where focused on the man next to her.

Derek stared at Karen and then looked down. "I… I guess I have to apologize." he said in a low voice. "I'm sorry."

Penelope gave him a puzzled look and frowned when he refused to look at her. "Derek, this wasn't your fault."

For a few moments the room remained silent. Then Derek looked up and met her eyes. "I'm sorry that I didn't realize what was going on. I should have… paid more attention. I should have seen it! I mean, I'm a profiler and a survivor I… simply should have noticed!"

She reached out and softly stroked his cheek. "Derek, if this is true I should be sorry as well. I didn't realize what happened to you either. You hid it from everyone else and so did I."

"But I should have…" his voice subsided.

"We are all good actors." Karen softly said. "We have to be."

"You were the first who cared and helped me, Derek." Penelope added. "I'm grateful for that – more than words can ever say."

The smile that crossed his face was almost not noticeable and Penelope frowned. "But there's something else bothering you, right?"

Derek took her hand and placed a brief kiss in her palm. "I was… mad at you… because you didn't tell me. I'm so sorry, I never meant to…"

"You don't need to be sorry." she quickly interrupted him. "You were right, I should have told you. I don't know why I didn't. I mean, I should have known that you of all people would understand and help me. But I… I guess I was so used to people not caring about it that I… simply couldn't imagine it would be any different with you. _I_ am sorry, Derek, because I didn't trust you enough to tell you and think you would believe me and take care of me."

"I promise I'll take care of you from now on." he softly said. "No one will ever hurt you again."

"I know." she whispered and smiled at him.

Karen noticed that everyone was smiling now, even Robert. She'd never seen him carry an honest smile before. Everyone of them had known about Derek's feelings for Penelope. He had mentioned her at least twice each evening, mostly talking about the way she cheered him up and made him smile. They were all glad he'd finally made a move.

"I wish I could tell my boyfriend." Meredith quietly commented on the scene in front of her.

"Why do you think you can't?" Karen softly asked.

Meredith looked at her hands. "I'm sure he wouldn't understand."

"In this case he doesn't deserve you." Penelope stated and gave her an encouraging smile when the thin woman looked up at her. "I always thought I could handle this on my own. It was over, just my awful past. But I guess sooner or later it catches up on you. And I'm glad Derek found out."

Meredith simply nodded and gave Penelope a small smile.

When the meeting ended Penelope glanced at the clock on the wall and was surprised that they'd spent almost three hours simply talking. Derek led her to the car and opened the door for her. Penelope remained silent through the whole drive. Her mind was busy recalling the past hours.

"So goddess, what do you want for dinner?" Derek asked when they entered his apartment.

She turned around, slammed him against the door and kissed him gustily, her hands dragging at his shirt. It was off of him within a fraction of a second. "You." she breathed and kissed him again.

Derek wasn't sure how they got rid of their clothes. It all happened very fast and he whirled her around and lifted her up.

"Did I scare you?" she asked quietly without looking up. She was snuggled up against him, her head resting on his shoulder, and her fingers drawing invisible patterns on his chest.

"No" he chuckled, "you just surprised me." At first he'd probably even been shocked by her attack. But the following hours had more than made up for that. They'd been so wild that Derek had been a little apprehensive that he might hurt her. But Penelope had more than enjoyed herself. As passionate as the first time had been, the second time was as tender and soft. Derek had gone very slowly, taking his time to please her and cherish her for every single moment.

Penelope giggled and finally raised her head to lock eyes with him. "In a good way?" she asked playfully.

He grinned, ran his hand up and down her arm and replied: "The best."

She smiled widely and studied his face. "Thank you." she whispered.

Derek gave her a questioning look: "For what?"

Penelope looked down and replied. "That you allowed me to take advantage of you. I… just needed some human contact, well, yours to be precise. Talking about it – as much as it helped me to deal with everything – it brought all those feelings back to the surface and I wanted to forget about them."

The expression on his face changed from questioning to concerned. "But… are you okay?" He knew exactly what she was going through. All those feelings being repressed for a very long time although never completely forgotten… suddenly brought back to the surface. When that had happened to him it had almost been too much for him to handle.

"I don't know." she whispered. "I think I'm getting there. Thank you for taking me to this meeting. It's… weird somehow. I never wanted to talk about it, I wanted all that to stay in my past but… once I started talking about it, it seems I can't stop anymore. I still don't want people to know. I don't want anyone to look at me with pity or… as if I was a victim."

"I know what you mean." Derek softly said. "After everyone found out about my past I… I thought about never going back to the bureau again."

She simply nodded and then added: "But I will not refuse to talk about that at court. I want Antonio to be punished, as hard as possible. And I want him to understand what he did to me, what he made me feel."

"What did he do to you?" he asked in a low voice. Of course, Penelope had talked about it. But she'd avoided every detail so far and she hadn't cried. She still tried to be strong and don't let this feelings overwhelm her.

Penelope stared at him and then shook her head. "I can't, Derek." she whispered.

"Why?" he gently stroked her cheek. "Do you think I won't understand?"

"I know you will." she replied blinking away the tears that sprung to her eyes. "I know that no one understands better than you do. And I wish that was different. I… You never want something like that happen to the ones you love."

"That's true." he nodded. "I never wanted you to know what this is like. What it's like to stand in the shower failing to wash all these feelings and memories away."

"Derek, please don't." she whispered and tried to get out of the bed.

He grabbed her arm and continued. "What it's like to awake from a nightmare in the middle of the night and all you want is lock the door and hide from the rest of the world."

She wasn't able to keep the single tear from running down her cheek. "Please, stop that." she begged him in barely more than a whisper.

Derek reached out to wipe the tear away. "I don't want to force you to talk to me if you don't want to." he explained. "But you will have to talk to someone. Believe me, as hard as it is, it helps. I just want you to know that I understand and that I'm here to listen whenever you need me to." He placed his finger under her chin and made her look at him. "I can make you forget for a while, but as much as I want to I can't undo your past."

When she locked eyes with him she burst into tears. She'd managed to handle all this on her own for such a long time. Antonio had tried to break her, to make her believe that she was worth nothing, that she deserved what he did to her – and she had been strong enough not to believe his words. But suddenly she didn't want to be strong any longer. It wasn't that she felt weak but Derek was offering her comfort – and she wanted to accept it.

Derek sat up and caught her in his arms, slightly swaying her back and forth.

Finally she let it all out and cried for what seemed like an eternity. She held him tight as if her life depended on it, his embrace giving her support, comfort and strength. When eventually her sobbing subsided and she calmed down, Penelope felt stronger and better than ever before. She raised her head and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "Thank you" she whispered, "it makes things so much easier with you by my side."

He smiled and gently put a strand behind her ear. "How about dinner now?" he asked carefully. "I'm sure I can deliver whatever makes you feel better."

Penelope shrugged. "I'm not really hungry."

"Shall I get you another tranquilizer?" he was surprised when she shook her head no.

"I don't need them when you're with me." she smiled. "I'd rather… Can we just stay here and hold each other and… maybe talk?"

Derek pulled her back into his arms, laid back on the bed and placed a kiss on her hair. "Of course, we can." he whispered. "As long as you want to."

_**The end**_


End file.
